Finding Strength in What We Can Control

In the counselling space, one of the things that often comes up when I’m chatting with the girls is the idea of resilience - how we bounce back from tricky situations, whether it’s drama in a friendship group, a stressful exam week, or just feeling overwhelmed by life.

One concept that’s been super helpful in these conversations is something called the Circle of Control. It’s a simple but powerful idea that helps us sort out what’s within our power and what’s not.

Basically, it goes like this: inside the circle are things we can control, like our words, actions, reactions, choices, and even how we choose to think about a situation. Outside the circle? That’s all the stuff we can’t control - like what someone else says or does, what others think about us, or even things like the weather or school policies.

Why is this important? Because when we spend a lot of energy worrying about things outside our circle, it can leave us feeling powerless and stressed. But when we focus on what’s inside the circle - what we can actually do - it helps us feel more grounded, confident, and in control.

Here’s a quick school example:

Let’s say your friend suddenly stops talking to you. You’re left feeling confused and hurt. It’s easy to spiral and start overthinking: “Did I do something wrong?” “Why are they being like this?” “What are they saying to other people?”

But if we step back and look at the Circle of Control, we can remind ourselves:

✅ I can control how I check in with them,

✅ I can control how I treat others in the meantime,

✅ I can control how I take care of myself emotionally.

❌ I can’t control whether they respond,

❌ I can’t control what they might say about me,

❌ I can’t control their thoughts or feelings.

It’s not always easy, but the more we practice focusing on what we can control, the more resilient we become. We start to respond rather than react. And in a world that can feel pretty unpredictable, that’s a powerful skill to have.

So next time something feels overwhelming, ask yourself:

“Is this inside my circle of control… or outside of it?”

You might be surprised how much calmer and clearer things feel when you do. It might be worth printing out the visual and keeping a copy in sight.

Louise Ford

School Counsellor