Circles of Control: Building Resilience in Friendships

As we approach the end of the school year, I find myself reflecting on what a privilege it has been to serve as the Girls’ Grammar School Counsellor. I am grateful for the opportunity to work alongside such a wonderful community of girls, staff, and parents, and I look forward to continuing this role next year.

With the festive season and long summer break ahead - filled with family time, holidays, or simply the chance to slow down and reconnect with ourselves - I wanted to share an insight from my counselling work this year. One of the most common concerns raised by the girls has been around friendship: the uncertainty that comes with changing social groups, moving into new grades or classes, and navigating the shifting dynamics that naturally occur as they grow.

Questions like “Why do friends say certain things?”, “How should I respond?”, and “What should I be thinking about?” came up often. These are completely normal worries, especially in an all-girls school environment where relationships play such a central role.

A concept I frequently use to help them unpack these concerns is the Circle of Control. It’s a simple yet powerful reminder that while we cannot control what others say, think, or do, we can control our own words, thoughts, actions, and reactions. When the girls recognise this distinction, they often feel more empowered and less overwhelmed.

We also talk about the importance of self-respect in friendships. To be a good friend to others, we must first be a good friend to ourselves. The qualities we hope to find in others - kindness, loyalty, honesty - should begin within. Like attracts like.

When students understand that they cannot control how others behave, they begin to build resilience. They develop acceptance, learn when to walk away from unhealthy friendships, and grow more confident in standing up for themselves.

A quote I often share with them, by Rena Rose, beautifully captures this idea:

“Love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong, you recognise it.”

Louise Ford

School Counsellor